One week past my due date. Feeling ENORMOUSLY “with child.” Hormones taking emotions for spontaneous, tear-filled, whirlwind adventures. Contractions that don’t seem to be doing any good other than rendering me nearly paralyzed for half a minute.
And STILL You want me to be patient, God? Are You kidding?!
Every morning for the last week, I’ve needed a major attitude adjustment. I have not characterized these last days of pregnancy with grace, in any sense of the word. I’ve been impatient, irritable, exasperated, and ready to move on with life! I’ve been carrying this child for three seasons now! I’m ready to MEET him or her and finally quell the constant exclamation from every side–“What–you’re STILL pregnant?!?!”
(Please note: it is not advisable to repeat this phrase to a very pregnant woman!!! Jussayin’.)
I know these are legitimate reasons for being extra tired and emotional. They are not, however, good excuses for a bad attitude.
I looked up “waiting” in the little section at the back of my Bible and read some of the verses listed. You know what I noticed? When the waiting is dependent on God, it is filled with blessing.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” -Psalm 27:13, 14
“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.” Psalm 33:20, 21
“I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. I wait for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning, more than the watchmen wait for the morning.” Psalm 130:5, 6
These are just a few of the verses I found. What I noticed was the absolute dependence on God. Oh how I identify with the phrase “my whole being waits!” It does indeed! But am I putting my hope in Him? Not especially. I’ve been too busy complaining at Him over the timing of a couple weeks. As my midwife said, this baby WILL come out. There’s no other option. It would be impossible for me to remain pregnant! And yet here I’ve been, moping and crying out in frustration when I could be learning about the hope found in God, the confidence found in His faithfulness, the trust found in His love.
I’m grateful He never gives up on teaching me. It’s still an internal struggle to wrap my mind around it, but the truth is waiting on the Lord is good. This is a lesson that must become rooted deep, deep in my heart. I will have many opportunities to exercise waiting and not all of them will be as straight-forward as the birth of my beautiful baby.