I am 36 weeks pregnant with our 5th child and I am loving it. Last night my midwife came over to discuss the birth of our newest in a few weeks. She brought the doppler for hearing the heartbeat and all my children clambered up onto my bed to listen. Each face was so eager, each set of eyes lit up with interest, and each mouth smiling in appreciation of the amazing person inside my womb. In that moment, the blessing my children are swelled in my heart and gratitude mixed with wonder washed over me.
I have moments like that. Sometimes for one child in particular, sometimes for all of them together.
Today is not one of those days. This is a day when I wish I could take a break from whiny voices, petty fights, and a black hole of neediness constantly pulling at me. I love them. But I want some breathing room.
I tell myself it’s just that my nerves are worn and I’m irritable from pregnancy hormones or dehydration or something. I tell myself it’s just an off day, to just shrug it off, to just keep hold of perspective. I can tell myself the truth until I’m blue in the face, but I’m still nearly frantic with the need for PEACE in my home. It’s not emanating from me.
This is a problem.
So what do we do? What do I do when I am not at peace?
…I’ll try to let you know when I’ve figured it out.