Painting heart-cries, word by word

Freewrite [2] January 14, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — verbosevictoria @ 9:42 pm
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I have been in love with crunchy peanutbutter and crips Pink Lady apples ever since I started being a mom. There’s something about natural, crunchy peanutbutter and the sweet crunch of an apple that is incredibly satisfying to my tastebuds. The energy doesn’t hurt either; it’s one of the few snacks I love that doesn’t make feel like a freight train afterwards.

It’s interesting what makes me feel good or proud of myself. I am proud of myself today because I said sorry when I realized I was wrong, I took a shower on a whim instead of debating it with myself, and my house still looks lovely after cleaning it up yesterday. I like the way I look because I actually styled my curls into a sort of submission and picked out an outfit just for fun. Most days I’m wandering around in a groggy stupor, pajamas and messy bun and glasses. No wonder I feel like a disaster. I probably LOOK like a disaster. 

I keep noticing my wedding bands today. I have a simple soft gold set with diamonds. The only unusual part is the main diamond is heart-shaped, which I love because it wasn’t something I would’ve chosen. I don’t like the practice of a girl picking out her wedding ring to make sure it’s something she’ll like. If it had been up to me, I probably would have gone with silver or platinum settings and a fiery opal instead of a diamond. Definitely not heart-shaped diamond set in gold. But I love it for that precise reason. Eric picked it out for me because when he saw it, he knew that was the best representation of his love for me and our commitment together. I do like it, every year a little more, and I’ve started to wear more gold because of it. I don’t see why I should keep all my favorite things the same just because they’ve been my favorites for years. I’m actually contemplating changing my favorite color from green to purple. Green used to be my favorite color because it was the color of my eyes when they were at their most interesting. I loved green because it was the color of the forest and I was slightly obsessed with trees for awhile. I still am, on some level. I loved green because I could wear it well and not many other people would, so it felt like MY color. It also signified life in general and genuine, vibrant things, which I felt expressed the best parts of me.
And yet, I am considering changing my answer to the perpetual ice-breaking question to purple. I’ve added purple into my life without really realizing it. I think it is the color of my life now, at least a bit more so than green. Green was when I was very young. I’m not quite that young anymore. At the same time, I’m not feeling terribly mature. Purple is such a rich, textured color and invites contemplation. I love to think, probably a bit too well, and purple is like a mental peace. The ability to converse in my head is a source of comfort for me. And it also expresses my passion and creativity. I want to be that passionate, creative, thoughtful person every day. I don’t succeed in that goal, but I still carry it in my back pocket as it were. Tucked out of sight but never quite forgotten. I want to have a purple life, now that I’ve had my green one.

–10 minutes


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